I don’t normally let out anything close to a first draft, but as I’m about to start my summer holidays/serious writing schedule, any views on the following are most welcome:

Scene: Bold Park, car park, 2am. No lights, barely a moon.

Location: The back of a Yaris.

That’s right, a Yaris. The car barely even rates as a sedan. It’s like two mopeds wrapped with tin foil, only less comfortable.

The boy: Matty.

The girl: Me.

The situation: I’m about to have sex for the first time. Yes, I’m a virgin, I’m in a car with a boy, and I’m about to have sex.

Well, that’s what I’m trying to do. Or actually, what he’s trying to do.

And unless things improve, and improve rapidly, I may remain a virgin.

‘Ow.’

That’s not me, that’s Matty. Matty’s problem, apart from the Yaris, is that he’s uncoordinated. In all areas.

‘What?’ I gasp. I’m not gasping out of pleasure, I’m gasping because he’s just collapsed in a heap on top of me.

‘I just banged my elbow. On that knobbly thing.’

I can’t see what knobbly thing he’s talking about, what with me being trapped underneath his torso and all.

I want to ask if the banged elbow is going to stop him from resuming insertion attempt number three, but I’m not sure I’m that interested in insertion attempt number three. In all of my fantasies about how losing it for the first time would be, none of them included a Yaris, a banged elbow, or me forcibly having the air squished out of me by Matty.